I sent this in email form to some of my friends... and they probably make up most of my blog readership, but for those of you who were not in that email list...
I was suffering from what looked like a zit right on my lower lip for the last few days. Since I recently shaved my beard, and hair has been funny, I've just thought of it as an ingrown hair. I was going to get to it with some tweezers at some point. When [my painter-boss] JB asked me about it, I shrugged it off as an ingrown hair. John told me it was probably something called "Morgellon's Disease" and that it probably came from fibers that the government distributes throughout the atmosphere. I assured him that it was an ingrown hair and as soon as I opened it, I would find a little hair.
Much in the way you see a small child go for and open a present on Christmas, John lunged at my lower lip, and he proceeded to pry open my sore. His eager face was mere inches away. It was very painful and bloody... and his hands are anything but clean. When it comes to his hands, they LOOK dirty... and they smelled like a mixture of caulk, paint, thinner, gingersnaps, and WD-40.
As I stood facing the mirror in the bathroom flushing my new wound with hot soapy water, I laughed when I realized nobody would ever completely understand the bizarre nature of the events that just took place.